.: Types of Minions
Drones are the lowest form of minions. They are nameless, faceless,
easily replaceable and have little or no personality. Effective only in
groups, Drones are usually pretty useless individually. Strengths:
great numbers, cheap, highly loyal, no need to stroke their egos.
Weaknesses: weak by themselves, stupid without guidance. Examples:
Stormtroopers, Borg, Aliens, Barbarian horde, Orcs.
Henchmen are a rung higher than Drones. While still cheap and
replaceable, you might actually know their names. Also, unlike Drones
there is room for advancement if a Henchman distinguishes him or herself in
the name of Evil. Strengths: some independent thought, numbers.
Weaknesses: usually cowardly and more likely to betray, still pretty useless
by themselves, stupid. Examples: Monarch’s Henchmen, most Batman and
Spider-Man villian henchmen, Jabba's Pig Guards, Urukai.
The next step up from Henchmen are Thugs, otherwise known as Muscle.
These are people specifically recruited to beat up or kidnap the enemies of
their Evil Overlord. They are usually sent after the first two or three
failed attempts to kill the Hero by the Drones and/or Henchmen. Thugs
that distinguish themselves can be promoted to Bodyguard who stays by the
Overlord's side at all times. This gives him a greater chance to betray
the Overlord at the key moment, a special position of status among Minions.
Strengths: physical strength, greater loyalty, single mindedness.
Weaknesses: stupidity (sensing a pattern?). Examples: Bodyguard from bee
character on Venture Bros., Nazgul, Agents from Matrix.
..: Love Interest/Family Member
This is an individual emotionally close to the Evil Overlord, either a wife,
girlfriend, child, parent, etc. This minion might not always help the
Evil Overlord, but he keeps them around to show his other minions that hey, he
has a soft side underneath the gruff and violence. Unfortunately, loved
ones are the ones most likely to betray. They are usually secretly good
and will most likely help the Hero at the first available opportunity, forcing
the Overlord to murder them. It is always the ones closest to us that
hurt the most. Strengths: none really, emotional attachments just
distract from the goal of world domination. Weaknesses: almost guaranteed
betrayal. Examples: Dr Girlfriend, mother from Dragonheart, daughter from
Willow, daughter from Flash Gordon, Saint family from Punisher.
Mercenaries are hired guns that work for money. They are among the
highest echelons of minions as they are sought for their specific skills.
Mercenaries are tough, ruthless and effective. Unfortunately they are
hard to find as they usually get killed after being puffed up about how awesome
they are to show how much of a badass the Hero is. Strengths: loyalty as
long as the check clears. Weaknesses: sometimes can be bribed, don't
share the same vision as the Overlord they work for, sometimes even the odds
against the Hero to test their skill. Examples: Boba Fett, Russian from
Technically a merc; assassins have one task: to kill for money. They
are brought in by the Evil Overlord after several failed attempts by his own
minions, so he looks for outside help. The problem is the assassin will
usually fail to kill the Hero, but will kill someone close to the Hero to
make him even more determined to kill the Overlord. Strengths:
determined, highly skilled. Weaknesses: kill the wrong target, tend to
develop a conscience at the wrong moment. Examples:
..: Mad Scientist Assistant
Developing doomsday weapons, world ending viruses and clone armies is hard
work. So every good Mad Scientist needs his assistant. Assistants
are usually pretty whipped and weak-willed. Oddly, they also know very
little about science and need everything explained to them. You would
think Mad Scientists would be able to recruit interns from MIT.
Strengths: absolute loyalty. Weaknesses: no use in a laboratory.
Examples: Gentlemen from Aqua Teen Hunger Force, Igor.
A Servant is a non-combat minion that attends to the day to day needs of
their Overlord. Evil Overlord garb are not machine washable and need
immaculate care, you know. Due to their proximaty to the Evil Overlord,
Servants are in a good position for betrayel, but are too whipped to exploit
it. Servants almost always survive the destruction of their Evil
Overlord so they may become the whipped Servants of the Hero.
Strengths: knows how to get the Overlords steak just right. Weaknesses:
usually is ignored while trying to provide the key information or advice that
would allow the Overlord to win. Examples: Desaud (Darkseid), Manservant
(Baron Underbite), Kiff (Zapp Branagan).
A Lackey provides absolutely no benefit to the Evil Overlord other than as
an ego boost. His sole purpose seems to be to taunt the Hero and say
over and over how badass the Overlord is. When confronted directly the
Lackey of of course a complete coward. Strengths: makes the Overlord seem
cool. Weaknesses: really really annoying. Examples: Salacious Crumb,
dog that hung out with Spike.
..: Web designer
...because Evil Overlords need websites too.
..: Board of Directors
The Board of Directors is a special kind of minion that specifically work
for either corporate or military Evil Overlords. The Board of Directors
is usually a shadowy group that provide information and resources to the
Overlord. They are also one of the safest Minions as they keep themselves
removed from the action. Strengths: can provide information, resources
and personnel to the Overlord as well as the veneer of respectability.
Weaknesses: might be manipulating the Overlord for their own Evil purposes.
Examples: Star Chamber, Moogy Board of Directors.
..: Trusted Lieutenant
The epitome of the Evil Minion is the Trusted Leiutenant. The LT is
both a highly vaunted and despised position. It is also one of the most
dangerous for a minion. Because any Evil Organization can only have one
Trusted LT, he must be wary of betrayel not only from the Overlord, but from
other minions vying for his position. Basically, being promoted to the
position of Trusted LT is a guaranteed death sentence. Enjoy.
Strengths: most access to the Evil Overlord and his plans. Highest pay
and perks of the position. Weaknesses: sometimes succumb to morality and
helps the hero. Will most likely die horribly. Examples: Bob from
Batman, Number Two from Austin Powers, succession of Admirals from Empire
Strikes Back, Darth Vader.
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